Building Emotional Resilience in LGBTQ+ Teens: Tips for Parents and Allies
LGBTQ+ teens often navigate a complex landscape of societal pressures, discrimination, and identity challenges that can take a toll on their emotional well-being.
As parents, guardians, or allies, your support can make a crucial difference in how these young people cope with adversity and build a strong sense of self. Drawing from my work with transgender and gender-diverse adolescents at the Ackerman Institute’s Gender & Family Project, I’ve seen firsthand the importance of creating an affirming environment. Here, I’ll share some practical advice to help you foster emotional resilience in LGBTQ+ teens, helping them to thrive in a world that can sometimes feel unwelcoming.
1. Creating Affirming Spaces: Why It Matters
For LGBTQ+ teens, feeling accepted and understood can be a lifeline. Research has shown that having even one accepting adult in their lives can significantly reduce the risk of mental health challenges. As a parent or ally, you can create a space where your teen feels safe to express themselves without fear of judgment.
Affirm Their Identity: Use their chosen name and pronouns consistently, and make sure other family members do the same. This simple act of respect can validate their identity and foster a sense of belonging at home. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it, apologize, and keep trying—your effort is what matters most.
Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn about LGBTQ+ experiences, terminology, and the specific challenges your teen may face. This will help you understand their perspective and make them feel seen. Books, online resources, and support groups can be great starting points.
2. Building Self-Esteem: Focusing on Strengths and Passions
Many LGBTQ+ teens grapple with feelings of shame and self-doubt, especially if they have encountered bullying or rejection. To counteract this, it’s important to focus on their strengths and help them discover what makes them unique beyond their identity.
Celebrate Achievements: Whether they excel in academics, sports, art, or have a talent for making others laugh, highlighting their achievements can help build self-confidence. Celebrate these moments, no matter how small they may seem, as they are crucial for developing a positive self-image.
Encourage Passion Projects: Help your teen find and pursue interests that bring them joy, whether it’s music, activism, gaming, or creative writing. Having something they love can be a powerful source of pride and motivation, offering a positive outlet during tough times.
3. Fostering a Sense of Community: The Power of Connection
LGBTQ+ teens often feel isolated, especially if they live in communities that lack understanding or acceptance. Finding a community of peers who share their experiences can provide a much-needed sense of belonging and support.
Find LGBTQ+ Youth Groups: Many cities and schools have LGBTQ+ youth groups or clubs that offer a safe space to connect with others. If your community doesn’t have one, look for online groups and forums where they can meet peers and discuss their experiences in a supportive environment.
Encourage Positive Role Models: Representation matters. Introduce your teen to positive LGBTQ+ role models in literature, film, and online spaces. Seeing people who share their identity and are thriving can inspire hope and provide a vision for a positive future.
4. Navigating Discrimination and Bullying: Building Emotional Armor
Unfortunately, LGBTQ+ teens are often targets of bullying and discrimination, both online and in real life. While you can’t shield them from every hurtful experience, you can help them build emotional resilience and strategies for coping.
Teach Self-Advocacy: Help your teen practice asserting their needs and boundaries in a respectful but firm manner. Role-playing different scenarios can prepare them for challenging interactions and build their confidence in standing up for themselves.
Validate Their Feelings: When your teen comes to you with stories of bullying or discrimination, listen without judgment and validate their emotions. Let them know that their feelings are valid, and that they have the right to feel hurt or angry. This can be more powerful than immediately jumping to problem-solving.
Seek Professional Support if Needed: If bullying or discrimination is taking a significant toll on your teen’s mental health, consider finding a therapist who is experienced in working with LGBTQ+ youth. Therapy can provide a safe space to process difficult experiences and develop coping strategies.
5. Cultivating Hope for the Future: A Path to Resilience
One of the most important things you can do for an LGBTQ+ teen is to help them envision a positive future. Remind them that there is a world beyond high school, beyond difficult family dynamics, and beyond any negative experiences they may be facing.
Highlight Success Stories: Share stories of LGBTQ+ individuals who have overcome challenges and gone on to lead fulfilling, joyful lives. These stories can provide a sense of possibility and help your teen understand that their struggles don’t define their future.
Encourage Small Steps Toward Their Dreams: Help your teen set small, achievable goals that align with their interests and values. This might include applying for a job, volunteering for a cause they care about, or taking on a leadership role in a school club. Each step forward is a reminder that they have agency in shaping their life.
Final Thoughts: Your Support Makes a Difference
Building emotional resilience in LGBTQ+ teens is not about shielding them from every hardship, but about equipping them with the tools and confidence they need to navigate those challenges. By creating an affirming space, celebrating their strengths, fostering connections, and helping them envision a hopeful future, you can make a profound impact on their well-being.
Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers. What matters most is your willingness to be present, to listen, and to grow alongside your teen. In my experience, the most resilient teens are those who know they have a network of support behind them—people who believe in their potential and see them for who they truly are. Your role in their journey is invaluable, and with your guidance, they can develop the resilience they need to thrive, no matter what challenges come their way.